Meet the Characters


Vern & Dern

Vern & Dern

They're either brothers or cousins—no one's really sure. Porch philosophers, one of their life's passions happens to be conspiracies. They know all about grassy knolls, how Elvis faked his own death, and UFO's.

Vern & Dern have been abducted so many times that they're on first-name terms with the aliens. In fact, the town of Shoofly has had more UFO abductions per capita than anywhere else in the world, which proves that aliens must really like the place.



Vern's nephew, Elmo, works at the mysterious top secret government installation just down the road.

What he actually does there, no one knows for sure because he can't talk about it and everything's on a need to know basis. Vern & Dern don't need to know about it. And right now, neither do you.


Cousin Earl: is he human?

Cousin Earl

No one's really sure, but it's possible Cousin Earl is the missing link.

He has a very hairy chest.
And neck.
And back.
And knuckles.

Not exactly a rocket scientist, Cousin Earl has been known to accidentally swallow his yo-yo, and to go scuba-diving in quicksand.

Blue the dog


A hound-dog. He rarely speaks.


Cousin Amy: she's not a witch

Cousin Amy

Okay, she may dress in black, wear a pointy hat, carry a broom, and cackle occasionally, don't judge a book by its cover.

Cousin Amy is actually a sensitive woman of the '90s. Trouble is, it's now 2003.

Cousin Amy's also a great cook. Her "Eye of Newt Quiche" is to die for.

And just so you know, there are two things that Cousin Amy doesn't like:

  1. Don't eat the candy and sweets that decorate her house, and
  2. Don't ever call her a "witch".
She hates these things so much that she might just turn you into a frog.


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